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Parental Gatekeeping: How It Impacts Child Custody
Parental Gatekeeping can cause the gatekeeping parent to lose custody, and sometimes even parental access. It is also destructive to your child. A “gatekeeper parent” is term which describes a parent’s efforts to control the other parent’s access to their children, potentially leading to conflicts and legal battles. At its core, parental gatekeeping affects not just the parents involved but, most importantly, the well-being of the children caught in between.
This article is drawn from my personal experience as a Divorce/Family Law attorney, as well as the case law on the topic. I will be identifying characteristics of a restrictive gatekeeper parent to explore the legal and psychological landscapes surrounding this issue. We will discuss strategies for addressing and mitigating gatekeeping behaviors, ensuring they do not escalate into parental alienation. By gaining insight into what parental gatekeeping involves, you can better navigate the challenges it presents in child custody situations, ultimately fostering a healthier environment for your children.
For some general rules on custody cases and parental rights, see this article: https://nydivorcefacts.com/child-custody/
Understanding Parental Gatekeeping
Definition and General Understanding
Parental gatekeeping is where the custodial parent restricts or even blocks access between the non-custodial parent and the child.
It can appear in many forms, ranging from protective, where actions are taken to shield the child from real harm, to restrictive, which may involve limiting contact based on perceived or manufactured threats
Frequently the gatekeeper parent, the custodial parent, will limit or deny access claiming that the child is either in danger by the non-custodial parent, or that the child doesn’t want to be with the parent. This also brings up the topic of Parental Alienation. Since this is a huge topic by itself, while we will touch on it, I will devote another article just on that topic.
Understanding what is gatekeeping is crucial, as it significantly influences the dynamics of co-parenting and the emotional and psychological well-being of the child involved.
In legal and psychological terms, a gatekeeping parent doesn’t just do one action, but a host of them.
There are two types of gatekeeping, positive and negative. “Facilitative gatekeeping” is where one parent actively supports the other’s relationship with the child. This is good and we really won’t talk about it
Then there is “restrictive gatekeeping” which might involve undermining or obstructing this relationship.
“Protective gatekeeping” is a subset where the restrictions are based on legitimate concerns about the child’s safety or well-being, often justified in cases of abuse or neglect.
But, a protective gatekeeper can run afoul of the law, if they take actions without court approval. This is called “self-help” and judges generally do not approve of that. If there is a legitimate concern for the safety of your child go to court and address those concerns with the judge. Do not decided the violate the court visitation order by yourself.
Social and Psychological Context of Parental Gatekeeping
The impact of gatekeeping can influence the child’s attitude towards the noncustodial parent, potentially leading to parental alienation — a situation where the child aligns with one parent against the other without justifiable reason.
A gatekeeping parent can damage their child psychologically. The effects can be deep, affecting the child’s emotional security and development. Younger children, in particular, are more susceptible to the influence these behaviors due to their developmental stage and inability to articulate their feelings or understand the complexities of adult relationships.
These behaviors are often intensified during stressful transitions such as separation or divorce, where emotions can cloud judgment, leading to actions that might not reflect the best interests of the child.
I often see it as “I hate my spouse, therefore my child hates my spouse as well.” Many times I have seen a custodial parent tell a judge that their child doesn’t want to see the other parent, only for the judge to say, “But, your child is only one year old.” This may sound like a joke, but it isn’t and frequently happens.
During the divorce or custody battle, it’s essential for parents to remain aware of how their actions might be perceived and the potential long-term effects on their children.
Professionals, including psychologists and legal experts, stress the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to gatekeeping.
Encouraging open communication and cooperation between parents can reduce negative impacts and support a healthier adjustment for the child.
In cases where concerns about safety or well-being are genuine, professional intervention might be necessary to ensure that gatekeeping actions are justifiable and in the child’s best interests. Consult with your lawyer first, before restricting access. When you restrict access without court approval you may appear to the problem and not the other parent.
Identifying Characteristics of Parental Gatekeeping
Parental gatekeeping shows up in a variety of actions and attitudes that influence the child’s relationship with the non-custodial parent.
In understanding how this works, it is crucial to recognize the behavioral patterns that emerge in both married and divorced couples, as well as the impact these behaviors have on the non-gatekeeping parent and the children involved.
Behavioral Patterns in Married and Divorced Couples
Research indicates that about 20% of mothers exhibit restrictive gatekeeping behaviors even in intact families, with these actions intensifying post-separation or divorce.
This often results from one parent perceiving themselves as the primary caregiver, thus feeling justified in limiting the other’s involvement due to concerns over their parenting abilities or out of spite post-divorce.
I have often seen mothers try to assert greater rights to the children, only to be admonished by the judge. “But, I’m the mother,” will generally get a judge to say “And he’s the father.”
Fathers, on the other hand, might face challenges in adapting to solo parenting, which can be perceived by mothers as incompetence, further fueling restrictive behaviors. These dynamics can lead to a vicious cycle of conflict and alienation, affecting the overall family structure.
Many fathers also accept the false idea that the mother has superior rights and will bow to her wishes and desires, rather than standing up to her.
Impact on Non-Gatekeeping Parents and Children
The non-gatekeeping parent often experiences significant emotional and psychological distress due to restricted access and involvement with their child.
This situation is heightened when the gatekeeping is baseless and intended to alienate the parent from the child.
Children, in turn, are at risk of developing emotional and psychological issues due to the lack of balanced parental involvement and exposure to conflict.
Studies have shown that children benefit from the social capital provided by having active relationships with both parents, which includes emotional support and guidance from extended family and community members as well.
In cases where the gatekeeping is justified, and, when restrictions are imposed without valid reasons, it not only harms the child’s relationship with one parent but can also contribute to long-term adjustment problems. Thus, distinguishing between protective and alienating gatekeeping is essential for safeguarding the child’s well-being and ensuring their healthy development in the face of parental separation or divorce.
Again, if you believe that restriction is necessary, talk to a lawyer first, before taking restrictive measures.
Legal and Psychological Perspectives
Legal Cases and Judgments
In the realm of family law, parental gatekeeping often intertwines with legal judgments, particularly in cases involving custody disputes.
For example, the Appellate Division, First Department of the Supreme Court of New York State, overturned a decision where custody was initially awarded to a father, despite allegations of alienating behaviors by the mother.
The court emphasized that child custody decisions must be tailored to the specific circumstances of each case, rejecting a blanket rule that custody should automatically change hands when one parent influences the child against the other.
This case highlights the nuanced approach needed in legal settings to address the complexities of parental gatekeeping and alienation.
However, it also underscores that a gatekeeper parent can lose custody.
Mental Health Perspectives and Debates
This next section is a bit more detailed on the psychological dimensions. (Click here for a deeper dive.) It comes from the reported testimony of Dr. Rodrigo Pizzaro. He is an outstanding Psychiatrist who is often used by the courts to conduct forensic examinations. He’s been appointed in several of my cases, and he is one of the most brilliant psychiatrists I’ve dealt with.
The concept of parental alienation remains contentious within mental health circles. Researchers like Fidler and Bala (2020) argue that the term ‘parental alienation’ is problematic due to its vague definition and the lack of reliable assessment tools.
They suggest alternative terms such as “parent-child contact problems” (PCCPs) and “resist-refuse dynamics” to describe situations where children resist contact with a parent.
These terms acknowledge that children’s reluctance can stem from multiple factors, including poor parenting or conflict between parents, rather than solely the influence of one parent.
Moreover, mental health professionals emphasize the importance of considering a multifactorial model when evaluating cases of alleged parental alienation.
This model accounts for various elements such as the child’s relationship with both parents, the parents’ communication styles, and any history of conflict or abuse. Understanding these factors is crucial for developing interventions that aim to preserve the child’s welfare and maintain healthy relationships with both parents when possible.
Addressing and Mitigating Gatekeeping
Strategies for Parents and Legal Practitioners
- Understand the Legal Framework: Consult with a Family Law attorney. Don’t trust the internet (yes, even this article), forums, Reddit, Youtube, etc. Only a lawyer is ethically obligated to provide you with accurate information.
- Document and Report Violations: Maintain accurate records of any violations of court orders related to custody and visitation. This documentation can be crucial in legal proceedings, especially when dealing with a gatekeeper who disregards court mandates. I always recommend keeping a diary or calendar of events and issues.
- Seek Professional Legal Advice: Engage with family law attorneys who emphasize integrity and honesty. These professionals can guide you through the process of addressing gatekeeping issues without resorting to retaliatory tactics that could jeopardize your case.
- Promote Positive Co-parenting: Encourage open communication and cooperation between parents. This can help mitigate the effects of restrictive gatekeeping and support a healthier adjustment for the child involved.
- Prepare for Court Interventions: Be ready to take your case to a hearing or trial if necessary. Sometimes, judicial intervention is required to address severe cases of gatekeeping where informal resolutions are ineffective.
Role of Mental Health Professionals
- Conduct Thorough Assessments: Forensic Psychiatrists/Psychologists should distinguish between restrictive gatekeeping and protective actions. It’s vital to assess the motivations behind gatekeeping behaviors and their impact on the child.
- Offer Counseling and Mediation: Mental health professionals can provide counseling services to help parents understand the importance of a balanced relationship with their children. Mediation can also be an effective tool in resolving conflicts and improving co-parenting dynamics.
- Implement Parenting Coordination Programs: These programs are designed to manage high-conflict divorce situations. They help regulate parental conflict and reduce the instances of restrictive gatekeeping, facilitating better outcomes for children.
- Educate and Train: Provide training for parents on the effects of gatekeeping on children’s psychological well-being. Education can empower parents to make informed decisions that prioritize the health and happiness of their children.
By addressing parental gatekeeping through legal and psychological interventions, you can help ensure that children maintain healthy relationships with both parents, which is essential for their development and well-being.
Conclusion
Through this examination of parental gatekeeping within the context of child custody, it’s evident that the well-being of children hinges on the ability of parents to navigate their roles effectively, whether together or apart.
Addressing and mitigating the impacts of gatekeeping requires a multifaceted approach encompassing understanding legal frameworks, seeking professional advice, and fostering positive co-parenting dynamics.
The insights shared here aim not only to shed light on the complexities surrounding restrictive and protective gatekeeping behaviors but also to emphasize the critical importance of maintaining the child’s best interests at the forefront of any custody decision.
Given the nuanced nature of parental gatekeeping and its potential long-term implications on family dynamics and children’s well-being, seeking professional guidance becomes paramount.
Therefore, those navigating these challenging waters are encouraged to call Port and Sava for a free 15-minute telephone consultation, (516) 352-2999 ensuring that any step taken is in the right direction toward fostering healthier family relationships. Such proactive measures can make a significant difference in resolving conflicts and creating an environment where children can thrive, unaffected by the adverse effects of parental gatekeeping
