Child’s Preference Matters—But Isn’t Final: While New York courts consider a child’s custodial preference, it is one of many factors and not the sole deciding element.
Age and Maturity Influence Weight: The older and more mature the child, the more weight their wishes carry—especially once they reach their mid-teens. However, generally teenagers decide whom they live with.
Court Prioritizes Best Interests: Judges evaluate safety, parental fitness, and overall well-being above all, ensuring the child’s best interests guide custody decisions.
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“Can My Child Decide Who They Want to Live With?” It depends on the age and maturity of the child. Also, the court will determine if the parent can provide a suitable environment. In general, a child 15 years or older will go with the parent of their choice, but there are exceptions.
In a child custody case, the judge may consider your child’s preference, but how and when depends on the situation. Courts assess the child’s age, maturity, and whether their choice aligns with their best interests.
The Best Interests of the Child
In any custody dispute, the court’s main focus is the child’s best interests. This includes various factors ensuring the custody arrangement benefits the child. The court prioritizes the child’s emotional, mental, physical, and developmental well-being over the parents’ desires or conflicts.
Factors the court considers include:
Stability and safety of the home.
Each parent’s ability to provide emotional and intellectual support.
Financial stability to meet the child’s needs.
The child’s relationship with each parent.
How the decision impacts the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Maintaining continuity in the child’s living situation.
The court also evaluates the mental and physical health of both parents and their ability to meet the child’s needs. However, the child’s preference is often one of the most emotionally charged aspects of the case.
When Does the Child’s Preference Matter?
As children mature, their opinions carry more weight in custody decisions. The older and more aware a child is, the more the court may consider their preference. Still, this is just one factor.
For children under 10, their preference is often given little weight, as they may not fully understand the consequences of their choice. In contrast, teenagers’ preferences are typically taken more seriously, assuming the court finds them mature enough.
However, no matter the child’s age, their preference is never the sole deciding factor.
Why Doesn’t the Child’s Preference Decide Custody?
It might seem logical to let a child’s preference dictate custody. But courts recognize that children can be influenced by factors that aren’t in their long-term best interest.
A child might prefer one parent due to fewer rules or more freedom, focusing on short-term comfort rather than long-term stability. Courts must assess whether the preference is based on sound reasoning or a desire for leniency.
The court also watches for signs that one parent may have influenced the child’s choice. If one parent has negatively influenced the child against the other, the preference might reflect this, not the child’s true desire.
If the court believes the child’s wishes are influenced or impulsive, it may give little weight to the preference. The goal is always to ensure the child’s best interests, even if that conflicts with the child’s expressed desires.
When the Child’s Wishes Are Respected
If the child is mature and their preference appears thoughtful, the court may take it seriously. For instance, a 15- or 16-year-old may have their preference considered if it aligns with a desire for stability or a stronger emotional connection with one parent.
In such cases, a judge might speak with the child privately to understand their reasoning. If the child’s preference aligns with what the court sees as in their best interests, it may influence the custody arrangement.
However, the rule of thumb is that a teenage is the 800 pound gorilla. As the old joke goes, Where does an 800 pound gorilla sit? Any where he wants.
But, as discussed below, that is not always an absolute.
When the Child’s Preference Is Disregarded
Sometimes, the court will disregard a child’s preference if it believes it is not in their best interests. For example, if a child prefers one parent due to leniency, but that leniency harms the child’s development, the court may rule in favor of the other parent. Similarly, if one parent manipulates the child, the court may reject the child’s choice.
In one case, a mother’s drug addiction and criminal charges led to the child living with her father. In another, a father convinced his son to live with him to avoid paying child support, but the court ordered him to report on the child’s progress. The child eventually returned to his mother.
The Role of the Attorney for the Child
To help navigate this complex process, courts often appoint an Attorney for the Child (AFC). This attorney represents the child’s wishes, not their best interests.
In the case of the drug-addict mother mentioned earlier, the AFC, despite knowing the mother was dangerous, argued for her custody because the child wanted it. The AFC explained that they were obligated to follow the child’s wishes, regardless of the danger.
Conclusion: A Balancing Act
The court’s goal is to create a custody arrangement that serves the child’s best interests. While a child’s preference can be important, it is just one of many factors the court weighs. The final decision aims to ensure the child’s overall well-being.
If you’re facing a custody battle, remember that your child’s opinion matters, but it won’t be the only factor. Courts aim to create the best outcome for the child in the long run. For more information, contact Port and Sava for a free 15-minute consultation at (516) 352-2999.
Text Messages Can Be Harassment: In New York, sending repeated, threatening, or abusive text messages can be considered harassment and may form the basis for legal action.
Grounds for Orders of Protection: Victims of harassing texts can seek an Order of Protection through Family Court or Criminal Court, even without physical violence.
Document and Save All Communications: Preserving harassing messages is critical for evidence—screenshots, downloads, and backups can support your case in court.
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Think Before You Text: Legal Implications of Digital Communication in Family Law
Harassing Text messages are considered domestic violence and can lead to arrest and Family Court orders of protection.
In today’s world, texting has become an indispensable part of how we communicate. It’s quick, convenient, and an almost effortless extension of our thoughts. Whether we’re sharing feelings, making plans, or venting frustrations, texting offers a direct line to those we care about. However, this convenience comes with a major downside: impulsive texting, especially during moments of anger or frustration, can have lasting consequences.
In family law, where emotions often run high, the line between harmless venting and legal repercussions can blur. This is particularly true in cases involving domestic violence or harassment, where text messages can become crucial pieces of evidence. Understanding the legal landscape surrounding digital communication is essential to avoiding potentially life-altering mistakes.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence encompasses a broad range of behaviors used to control or dominate a partner in an intimate relationship. While physical violence may be the most visible form of domestic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological manipulation, and even digital harassment are equally damaging.
In recent years, courts have increasingly recognized that domestic violence is not limited to physical harm. Any behavior—whether verbal, emotional, or digital—that seeks to exert power and control over a partner can be construed as abuse. This recognition means that even something as seemingly innocuous as a text message can be scrutinized by the courts, especially in cases of family law. So, to be clear harassing text messages is domestic violence.
Harassing Text Messages and the NY Penal Laws
Under New York law, harassment can take many forms, including physical contact, threats, and digital communication such as text messages. New York Penal Law § 240.26 defines harassment in the second degree as any act intended to annoy, harass, or alarm another person. This includes threats or repeated communication that has no legitimate purpose.
When it comes to text messages, what you type in the heat of the moment may easily fall under this legal definition of harassment. Even something as seemingly harmless as an impulsive “I hate you” or a more aggressive “I’m going to hurt you” can be seen as a credible threat or attempt to harass.
For instance, New York Penal Law § 240.30 addresses aggravated harassment, making it a crime to send a communication via phone, text, or email with the intent to harass, threaten, or alarm another person. If the content of your text message includes threats of harm, or is sent repeatedly in a manner that causes emotional distress, you could face misdemeanor or even felony charges.
Let’s break that down a little. First, what is harassing text messages is both situational and in the eye of the beholder. For example, if you text “bitch” that may or may not be harassing depending on the context. But, texting “bitch” a hundred times in a day is harassing.
On the other hand, sending “bitch, I’m gonna blow your brains out” or “die, bitch, die” are harassing text messages by anyone’s standards.
The law is clear: texting in anger can have serious legal consequences. The moment your words become a written record, they can be used against you in court, and this is especially true in the realm of family law.
Harassing Text Messages as Permanent Evidence
One critical aspect that many people overlook is the distinction between spoken words and text messages. When you say something in anger, it may be forgotten or dismissed as an emotional outburst. But when you commit those same words to text, they become a permanent record.
In family law disputes, especially in cases involving domestic violence or child custody, text messages are often presented as evidence to support claims of harassment, threats, or abuse. Family courts frequently rely on this type of digital communication to assess the dynamics of a relationship and the character of the individuals involved.
As a family court lawyer, I’ve seen countless cases where text messages played a pivotal role in the outcome of a case. Once a message is sent, it can be saved, screenshotted, and presented as evidence to a judge. That impulsive text you sent in a moment of frustration may be read aloud in court, and once it’s in the hands of the legal system, the context in which it was sent might not matter as much as you think.
I know some bright character is going think “I’ll just delete those harassing text messages.” You might be able to delete them from your phone but not from your ex’s. Also, there are ways to restore the messages and while the phone company doesn’t keep track of the actual message, they do record that a message was sent and it’s length.
Real-World Consequences
Let’s consider a real-life scenario. In a case I recently handled, a husband and wife were going through a contentious divorce. One night, after an argument, the husband sent a text message admitting that he had physically assaulted his wife, along with a hasty apology. This text message became a key piece of evidence in court and made it nearly impossible for the husband to deny his actions. His admission, captured in writing, solidified the case against him and had lasting ramifications in both criminal court and family court. While he deleted it from his phone, it was still on hers.
This example illustrates a crucial point: even if you regret what you’ve done or said, a text message that admits wrongdoing is a form of written evidence that can drastically alter the course of legal proceedings. When your text messages are reviewed in the context of a family law dispute, the stakes can be incredibly high, and your words can carry consequences you never anticipated.
Protect Yourself: Think Before You Text
The legal repercussions of impulsive texting are clear: what you say in a text can and will be used against you in a court of law. This is especially true in cases involving domestic violence, harassment, or custody disputes. As tempting as it may be to fire off a message in the heat of the moment, it’s essential to pause and consider the potential consequences.
Before you hit send, ask yourself: “Would I be okay with this message being read in a courtroom?” If the answer is no, don’t send it. The best way to avoid incriminating yourself or escalating a family law dispute is to refrain from sending any message that could be construed as a threat, admission of guilt, or harassment.
Seek Legal Assistance
If you find yourself facing legal trouble because of a text message or any other form of digital communication, it’s crucial to seek legal guidance immediately. At Port and Sava, we specialize in family law and can help you navigate the complex legal system. Whether you need assistance in defending against harassment claims or are concerned about how your digital communications may impact your case, we are here to offer support and legal advice.
Conclusion: Be Thoughtful in Your Digital Communications
Texting may be a quick and easy way to communicate, but it’s important to remember that every message you send can have far-reaching legal implications. In the context of family law and domestic violence, digital communication is often scrutinized as evidence of abuse, harassment, or threats.
To protect yourself, always think before you text. Avoid sending messages in anger or frustration, and remember that anything you say in writing can come back to haunt you in court. If you need legal advice or assistance, contact Port and Sava—we’re here to help you make informed decisions about your digital communications and safeguard your legal rights. We offer a free 15 minute telephone consultation (516) 352-2999.
Thoughtful communication can save you from a world of legal trouble. So, take a breath, think twice, and protect yourself from unnecessary complications by choosing your words carefully.
Frequently Asked Questions: Harassing Text Messages and New York Law
1. Can text messages really be considered harassment under New York law?
Yes. Repeated, threatening, abusive, or alarming text messages can constitute harassment, aggravated harassment, or stalking—even without physical violence.
2. What should I do if someone keeps sending me harassing text messages?
Save everything. Take screenshots, back up your phone, and print out the messages if possible. Then, consider filing for an Order of Protection in Family Court or reporting the harassment to the police.
3. Do I need a police report to seek an Order of Protection for harassment?
No. You can file a petition directly in Family Court without involving the police. However, if the harassment is severe or threatening, police involvement can strengthen your case.
4. How many texts are considered harassment?
There is no set number. A single threatening or abusive text could be enough, but patterns of behavior—such as repeated unwanted messages over time—typically strengthen a harassment claim.
5. What if the person harassing me is the parent of my child?
If co-parenting communication crosses into harassment, you can seek a Family Court Order of Protection that still allows necessary, safe communication about the child—sometimes through monitored or limited methods.
6. Can the court order the person to stop texting me?
Yes. An Order of Protection can include provisions requiring the harasser to cease all electronic communication, including text messages, emails, and social media contact.
7. What happens if the person continues to send messages after a court order?
Violating an Order of Protection is a criminal offense. The police can arrest the violator, and they may face criminal charges and additional penalties.
8. Should I respond to harassing texts to tell them to stop?
It’s usually better not to engage. Save the messages but avoid responding, as replies can sometimes escalate the situation or complicate legal claims.
Punching Walls Can Be Domestic Violence: In New York, violent, intimidating acts like punching walls or breaking objects can be considered domestic violence even without direct physical harm.
Courts Focus on Threatening Behavior: Domestic violence includes acts that create fear, intimidation, or emotional harm—not just physical injuries—impacting custody and Orders of Protection.
Document and Report Intimidating Incidents: Victims should carefully document property damage, threats, and emotional abuse to support their case in court.
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Introduction
Domestic violence is often thought of in terms of physical abuse between partners, but the law encompasses a broader scope that many may not be aware of. Understanding these legal definitions is crucial to recognizing and preventing all forms of domestic violence. Let’s be clear, punching a wall can lead to an arrest and the court issuing an order of protection.
Domestic Violence: Aggressive Actions Aren’t Limited to People
This blog addresses domestic violence, but not in the way you might traditionally think about it. Instead, we’ll discuss domestic violence under the law, particularly how it pertains to the destruction of property in your own home.
Domestic Violence against objects is still Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence Extended to Property Damage
There are instances where people, often men, become enraged at their spouse or girlfriend. They know that striking their partner will result in serious legal consequences, so instead, they decide to take their anger out on inanimate objects. A man might turn around and punch the wall, thinking that by not hitting his partner, he’s avoiding criminal repercussions. However, this assumption is incorrect.
Several years ago, the law changed to classify the destruction of property within your home as domestic violence. This means that if you break your own property out of anger, you’ve committed a felony under New York law. This is enforceable in both criminal and family courts.
For example, if you get angry and punch a hole in the wall or break a door or TV, these actions are considered domestic violence. The law treats breaking anything in the house as an offense, even though it’s your own property.
So you may think that by not hitting your partner you are doing the right thing—which indeed you are. But redirecting that anger towards objects in your home can still land you in serious legal trouble. The safest and best approach is to refrain from hitting anything—be it your partner or the wall.
If you break a wall or an object and your partner calls the police in New York, they will arrest you. This behavior is a felony. Under the law of criminal mischief, if you break property belonging to another, it is a crime.
The common complaint I hear is that “But, I own that television, and I can break it if I want.” Unfortunately, the law changed several years ago. Now, the law defines property of another this way: “‘Property of another’ shall include all property in which another person has an ownership interest, whether or not a person who damages such property, or any other person, may also have an interest in such property.”
What this means, is if you rent, and punch the wall you have damaged the property of another: the landlord. If you are married then all property bought during marriage is marital. So, that TV? Well, your wife is a part owner.
I know someone will try to be cute and say, “Hey, my girlfriend moved in with me, and everything is mine. So, I can break whatever I want, and not get into trouble.” Well, not exactly, because you will run afoul of other laws, harassment and menacing.
The recommended course of action? Walk away. Take your anger outside, go for a walk, and leave the situation. This not only prevents any form of violence but also keeps you on the right side of the law.
Need Help? Reach Out
If you have questions about this specific issue or any other aspect of domestic violence, don’t hesitate to contact us at Port and Sava. We are here to help you navigate these complicated situations and move forward with your life. Call us at (516) 352-2999 for a free 15 minute telephone consultation.
Remember, avoiding physical confrontation entirely—whether with people or objects—is the best way to stay within the law and protect the well-being of everyone involved.
Frequently Asked Questions: Punching a Wall and Domestic Violence in New York
1. Is punching a wall considered domestic violence?
Yes. In New York, punching a wall, breaking objects, or destroying property during a domestic dispute can be classified as domestic violence, especially if it is done to intimidate, threaten, or frighten another person.
2. Do I have to be physically hit for it to be domestic violence?
No. Domestic violence includes acts that cause emotional harm, fear, or psychological intimidation, even if no physical contact occurs.
3. Can I get an Order of Protection if my partner punched a wall but didn’t touch me?
Yes. If you feel threatened, intimidated, or unsafe, you can request an Order of Protection based on acts of destruction, threats, or emotional abuse.
4. How should I document incidents like wall-punching or property destruction?
Take photographs of the damage, write down exactly what happened (including date, time, and any witnesses), and save any communications related to the incident (texts, voicemails, emails).
5. What if my partner says they were just angry and didn’t mean to scare me?
Intent matters less than the impact on you. If their behavior caused you to fear for your safety, the court will take it seriously when considering custody, visitation, or protective orders.
6. Will the court consider wall-punching when deciding child custody?
Yes. Acts of violence—even against property—can be viewed as evidence of a volatile or unsafe environment, which the court must consider when making custody decisions.
7. Do I have to call the police if someone punches a wall during an argument?
You are not required to call the police, but doing so can create an official record of the incident, which may strengthen your case if you later seek an Order of Protection or file for custody.
How Parental Alienation Impacts Child Custody Cases
Parental alienation harms the children. It can also be used as a factor in both child custody decisions and in whether child support should be suspended. When parental alienation occurs in a divorce it will make the divorce dramatically more expensive. It is not uncommon for the cost to exceed $100,000. It also lengthens the divorce process.
At its core, parental alienation involves one parent turning their child against the other parent, without justified cause, leading to significant emotional distress and instability in the child’s life. This manipulation not only strains the parent-child relationship but also complicates child support and custody proceedings, making it a critical issue for both families and legal professionals to address.
How Courts Identify Parental Alienation
Signs and Evidence Considered
When assessing potential cases of parental alienation, courts meticulously examine a variety of signs and evidence. Key indicators include the child’s unjustified rejection of the targeted parent, which may manifest as unreasonably negative beliefs and feelings that are disproportionate to their actual experiences with that parent. Behavioral patterns such as the child’s irrational criticism and refusal to see a loving parent are scrutinized.
Keep in mind, while this is your first custodial battle, the court see these type of case many times, a week. In custody cases we see that same facts repeated over and over again. The Judges quickly become familiar with custody fact patterns and many become very adapt and getting to the heart of the matter.
Also, keep in mind, that the Judge are not concerned with your hurt feelings. Issues of infidelity or even domestic violence, unless directed to the children, do not enter into the judge’s considerations.
What the Judges do consider is:
Documented instances of one parent bad-mouthing the other to the child, including making false accusations of neglect or abuse
Records of communication between parents that might show one parent undermining the other, such as texts or emails.
Physical evidence, including social media posts and text messages where the alienating parent disparages the other, is also crucial. This type of evidence helps to establish a pattern of behavior that supports claims of alienation.
Professional Testimonies and Evaluations About Parental Alienation
The courts may appoint a psychologist or psychiatrist to examine the children, the parents, and other people who have contact with the children. This is called a “forensic report” and can cost upwards of $45,000 to produce. The parties will pay for this, not the court. It also takes several months.
Evaluators look for:
Consistency in the child’s negative views about the targeted parent across different settings and sources
The influence of the alienating parent on the child’s perceptions, which may involve detailed evaluations of the parent-child interactions
Courts also rely on testimonies from school teachers, family members, and other individuals who have observed the family’s dynamics. These observations help to corroborate or refute claims of alienation.
The Judge is not allowed to blindly accept the findings of the forensic evaluator, but can take it into consideration when coming to its conclusion. A person is still entitled to go to trial even if the forensic report goes against them. The forensic evaluator will be called to testify, and be subject to cross-examination.
In high-conflict custody cases, it is essential for evaluators to conduct thorough investigations to ensure that any allegations of parental alienation are well-substantiated. This includes tracking down the origins of the child’s beliefs and verifying their accuracy . Failure to conduct a detailed investigation can lead to the perpetuation of false allegations, which can significantly impact the family’s well-being and the child’s relationship with both parents.
By integrating these professional evaluations and testimonies with the observed signs and documented evidence, courts can make more informed decisions that prioritize the child’s best interests while addressing the complex issue of parental alienation.
The Attorney for the Child (AFC) and Parental Alienation
In a New York custody battle, the court will often appoint an attorney for the child, called appropriately enough, the Attorney for the Child (AFC). New York used to call them “Law Guardians” and other states call them “Guardians ad litem.”
The parties will pay the cost for this attorney. I want to highlight here the cost of a cost custody battle. Beyond the damage parental alienation does to your child, it will destroy your finances. You will pay your lawyer tens of thousands of dollars, pay the forensic examiner tens of thousands of dollars, and pay the AFC tens of thousands of dollars. This is on top of the tens of thousands of dollars to pay for your child’s therapy caused by the alienation.
My question is: do you really have hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend just to keep your ex away from the children? It the severe psychological damage to your child worth it? And as I discuss below, there is the rebound effect. Many children come to hate the alienator and cut off all ties to them. So, you could end up losing your children as well.
Legal Outcomes of Parental Alienation
When you encounter parental alienation in child custody cases, the legal outcomes can vary significantly, often depending on how well the alienation is documented and proven in court. Here are some of the potential legal ramifications:
Courts are increasingly recognizing the need to protect children from the potentially harmful effects of parental alienation. If one parent can demonstrate that the other parent is engaging in behavior that alienates the child, the court may decide to limit that parent’s contact with the child. This could range from reduced visitation rights to supervised visitation scenarios. The primary aim is to safeguard the child’s well-being while maintaining their right to have relationships with both parents, albeit in a controlled environment that monitors and prevents further alienation.
In more severe cases, evidence of parental alienation might lead to the alienated parent receiving full custody, especially if the alienating behavior is blatant and demonstrably harmful to the child’s mental and emotional health. Courts take these decisions very seriously, often requiring substantial evidence and professional testimonies to ensure that the child’s best interests are being served.
Understanding these potential legal outcomes is crucial for any parent involved in a custody dispute where parental alienation is suspected. It’s essential to gather comprehensive evidence and possibly seek professional legal and psychological support to navigate these complex situations effectively.
Loss of Child Support
The Court can also suspend or terminate child support if it finds that the custodial parent has engaged in alienation.
The courts can do this to make it clear to the alienating parent that there are consequences. Often when the child support is cut off, the alienator suddenly becomes cooperative.
Role of Family Law in Addressing Parental Alienation
Laws and Regulations
Family law plays a pivotal role in addressing the complexities of parental alienation, a situation where one parent may deliberately undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent. This can have severe emotional and psychological effects on the child. Currently, there is no specific law that directly addresses parental alienation, which presents challenges in legal proceedings. However, family courts often consider the child’s behavior and the dynamics between the parent and child as evidence of parental alienation. In such cases, a judge might order a custody evaluation to further investigate the claims
When one parent is found to be obstructing the child’s relationship with the other parent, it can significantly impact their custody case. Courts typically examine whether a parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent as a critical factor in determining custody arrangements . This scrutiny is part of a broader effort to protect the child’s welfare and ensure that both parents have an opportunity to maintain a healthy relationship with their child, barring any legitimate safety concerns.
To address these issues, family therapists and mental health professionals recommend a treatment approach that involves both the child and the targeted parent. This method, known as “parent-child relational problem” therapy, is crucial for repairing and maintaining the parent-child relationship. It is also essential that the alienating parent undergo therapy to cease their detrimental behavior.
In severe cases, courts may mandate specific therapies aimed at reuniting the child with the alienated parent, underscoring the legal system’s role in facilitating these critical reunifications . Compliance with these therapeutic interventions is not only a legal obligation but also a moral imperative to restore the child’s well-being.
Legal Safeguards
The legal framework surrounding parental alienation aims to protect the child’s best interests while ensuring justice for the alienated parent. Recognizing the severe impact of parental alienation, some jurisdictions treat extreme cases as criminal behavior due to the significant emotional damage inflicted on the child.
Legal interventions often include modifying custody arrangements to ensure the child has substantial and positive contact with the alienated parent. This strategy helps mitigate the effects of the alienating parent’s behavior. In instances where the alienation is profound, the court may limit the alienating parent’s access to the child, requiring supervised visitation to monitor and prevent further damaging actions.
Furthermore, family law courts are encouraged to adopt non-adversarial dispute resolutions, such as structured family mediation, to address parental conflicts more effectively. This approach not only aids in reducing the emotional strain on all parties involved but also promotes a more amicable resolution that prioritizes the child’s needs.
By implementing these psychological supports and legal safeguards, the aim is to shield children from the adverse effects of parental alienation and ensure their ability to thrive in a stable and loving environment.
The Rebound Effect
The Alienating Parent will often become victim to the “rebound effect.” This is where the child turns against the alienator. It is a very common phenomenon.
Basically, the child comes to resent the alienator and forms a close relationship with the previously alienated parent. I have seen this many times, and in the most severe instances, the child cuts off all communication with the alienating parent.
Conclusion
When parental alienation occurs, there are no winners. It leads to psychological damage to the children, insanely high legal costs and psychological damage to the parties.
The courts try very hard to be fair but as the facts get messy and murky, the lines get blurred and the results less certain.
It remains evident that tackling parental alienation requires a nuanced approach, combining legal intervention with psychological support. For families navigating these challenges, seeking professional advice becomes crucial to understanding the implications of parental alienation on child custody and the necessary steps to mitigate its effects. For personalized guidance tailored to your unique situation, call Port and Sava tel:516-352-2999 for a free 15-minute telephone consultation. Equipping yourself with the right information and support can pave the way toward resolving these disputes in a manner that honors the child’s needs and the family’s integrity, steering towards a resolution that fosters healing and positive familial bonds.
FAQs
1. Can parental alienation lead to a loss of custody?Yes, parental alienation can result in a loss of custody. This occurs when one parent damages the child’s relationship with the other parent, demonstrating an inability to co-parent effectively. Engaging in such behavior can lead to the revocation of custody rights.
2. What is the typical judicial response to parental alienation in custody cases?Judges generally view parental alienation very seriously as it goes against the child’s best interests. Most judges respond negatively to any actions that reflect parental alienation.
3. What are the effects of parental alienation on a child? Parental alienation can cause significant emotional distress for children. It often leads to emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
4. How can one demonstrate proof of narcissistic parental alienation in court?To prove narcissistic parental alienation, you might use several types of evidence, including:
Testimony from therapists or counselors who can provide insights based on their professional observations of the child.
Accounts from witnesses who have observed the alienation.
Relevant social media posts.
Documented communications such as text messages, emails, and voicemails.
Prenuptial Agreements Provide Clarity: A prenuptial agreement defines each party’s financial rights and responsibilities before marriage, protecting assets and avoiding future disputes.
Enforceable Only If Properly Drafted: For a prenup to be enforceable in New York, it must be fair, fully disclosed, voluntarily signed, and properly executed according to legal standards.
Not Just for the Wealthy: Prenuptial agreements are useful for anyone entering marriage with property, debt, businesses, or children from a prior relationship to protect.
A brief overview of prenuptial agreements and postnuptial agreements.
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A Prenuptial Agreement is an agreement that determine before the marriage, how property will be divided on divorce. It allows parties to protect premarital and separate property from accidentally being converted to marital property. It allows parties to determine if marital property should be considered separate property.
What is A Prenuptial Agreement or Post-Nuptial Agreement?
The prenup legal document that is signed before or after a couple’s wedding. The postnuptial agreement can be signed at any time during the marriage. Both documents are essentially the same, only the name changes depending on whether it was signed before or during the marriage.
The agreement outlines the rights, responsibilities, and obligations of each partner in the event of a separation or divorce. This agreement can be tailored to meet the needs of the couple and can include any financial arrangements that they wish to include. It is important to note that prenuptial or post-nuptial agreements are not the same as a marriage contract. A marriage contract is a document that outlines the rights and obligations of each partner in the event of the death of one partner.
Why New York Couples Should Consider A Prenuptial Agreement or Post-Nuptial Agreement?
On of these agreements is a wise decision for couples in New York. This type of agreement can provide couples with the peace of mind that their assets and finances are protected in the event of a divorce or separation. Additionally, it can help couples to avoid costly and time-consuming court battles over property and assets. Furthermore, a prenuptial or post-nuptial agreement can help to ensure that any money earned during the marriage is divided in a fair and equitable manner.
There are numerous stories in the media of celebrities who didn’t get a prenuptial agreement and lived to regret it. https://www.buzzfeed.com/alexgurley/celebrities-who-didnt-sign-prenups That’s because high-value individuals or people with their own businesses have more to consider if there is a divorce.
What is Included?
The specifics of what is included in an agreement will depend on the couple’s individual needs and wishes. Generally speaking, it will outline the division of property and assets in the event of a separation or divorce. This can include both marital and separate property, as well as any retirement accounts, investments, and other financial assets. Additionally, the agreement can include provisions for alimony, child support, and other financial arrangements.
However, with a well-drafted contract, the parties can modify the law or waive maintenance entirely.
What are the Benefits?
It can provide couples with a number of benefits. These agreements can help couples to protect their assets and finances in the event of a divorce or separation. Additionally, these agreements can provide couples with the peace of mind that their financial and property interests will be taken care of in the event of a break-up. Furthermore, having a prenuptial or post-nuptial agreement can help to avoid costly and time-consuming court battles over property and assets.
What to Consider When Drafting
When drafting this type of contract, there are a few things that couples should consider. First, couples should make sure that the agreement is fair and equitable. This means that the agreement should take into consideration the needs and interests of both partners. Furthermore, it is important for couples to make sure that the agreement is legally binding and enforceable.
Courts are more likely to enforce an agreement when both parties have been represented by lawyers. The courts will give a very close look at an agreement where the person who walked away with most of the assets had the only lawyer.
Lastly, couples should make sure that the agreement is properly executed and notarized.
What to Avoid
Here are some pitfalls to avoid: First, couples should avoid including any provisions that are overly restrictive or punitive. Additionally, couples should avoid making any promises or agreements that are not legally binding. Finally, couples should avoid making any changes to the agreement without consulting an attorney.
Any provision regarding children will generally not be enforced by the court.
What Are the Different Types Agreements?
In New York, there are a number of different types of agreements. These agreements can be tailored to meet the specific needs and wishes of the couple. Generally speaking, they can include provisions for the division of assets support as mentioned above, and other financial arrangements. It can also address how to avoid turning separation property into marital property. This is called “co-mingling.”
For example, say you got a personal injury property settlement or an inheritance. That money is separate property. However, if you put it in a joint bank account with your spouse, you have turned it into marital property. A well drafted agreement will solve this problem.
Are They Enforceable in New York?
Yes, these are are generally considered to be legally binding and enforceable. However, it is important to note that there are certain requirements that must be met in order for an agreement to be considered valid and enforceable. These requirements include that both partners must have entered into the agreement voluntarily, that both partners must have disclosed all of their assets and liabilities, and that the agreement must be properly notarized. A regular notarized signature is not good enough. The document has to be notarized with the same formality as used to transfer a deed.
To be enforceable, the agreement must be both reasonable at the time it was signed and reasonable at the time of the divorce.
Call Port and Sava for a Free 15 Minute Telephone Consultation
If you have any questions on prenuptial or postnuptial agreements, call Port and Sava at (516) 352-2999 for a free telephone consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions: Prenuptial Agreements in New York
1. What is a prenuptial agreement?
A prenuptial agreement (or “prenup”) is a legal contract entered into before marriage that outlines how assets, debts, income, and property will be handled during the marriage and in the event of divorce or death.
2. Do only wealthy people need prenuptial agreements?
No. While wealthy individuals often use prenups, they are also valuable for anyone who has property, a business, significant debts, future inheritances, or children from a prior relationship to protect.
3. Are prenuptial agreements enforceable in New York?
Yes—but only if certain conditions are met. To be enforceable, a prenup must be entered into voluntarily, with full financial disclosure, without coercion, and it must be properly executed (signed and notarized).
4. What can a prenuptial agreement cover?
Prenups can address:
Division of property and debts
Spousal support (alimony) terms
Business interests
Rights to future inheritances
Ownership of retirement accounts However, they cannot predetermine issues of child custody or child support.
5. Can a prenuptial agreement be challenged or overturned?
Yes. A prenup can be challenged if it was signed under duress, involved fraud or misrepresentation, lacked full financial disclosure, or was unconscionably unfair at the time of signing.
6. Can we modify or revoke a prenuptial agreement after marriage?
Yes. Spouses can modify or revoke a prenup after marriage through a written, signed, and notarized agreement, often called a postnuptial agreement.
7. How soon before the wedding should a prenup be signed?
Ideally, a prenup should be signed well before the wedding—weeks or months in advance—to avoid claims of coercion or undue pressure.
8. Should each party have their own attorney when drafting a prenup?
Absolutely. To ensure fairness and avoid future challenges, both parties should have independent legal counsel to review and advise on the agreement.
9. What happens if we don’t have a prenup?
Without a prenup, New York’s equitable distribution laws will govern the division of assets and debts in the event of divorce, which may not align with either party’s expectations.
Parental Gatekeeping Influences Custody Outcomes: In New York, a parent’s behavior in encouraging or interfering with the child’s relationship with the other parent is a critical factor in custody decisions.
Positive vs. Negative Gatekeeping Matters: Courts distinguish between protective gatekeeping, done for legitimate concerns, and restrictive gatekeeping that unjustifiably damages the parent-child bond.
Best Interests of the Child Remain the Priority: Excessive or unjustified gatekeeping can backfire, leading courts to award custody to the more cooperative parent who supports the child’s relationship with both parents.
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Parental Gatekeeping: How It Impacts Child Custody
Parental Gatekeeping can cause the gatekeeping parent to lose custody, and sometimes even parental access. It is also destructive to your child. A “gatekeeper parent” is term which describes a parent’s efforts to control the other parent’s access to their children, potentially leading to conflicts and legal battles. At its core, parental gatekeeping affects not just the parents involved but, most importantly, the well-being of the children caught in between.
This article is drawn from my personal experience as a Divorce/Family Law attorney, as well as the case law on the topic. I will be identifying characteristics of a restrictive gatekeeper parent to explore the legal and psychological landscapes surrounding this issue. We will discuss strategies for addressing and mitigating gatekeeping behaviors, ensuring they do not escalate into parental alienation. By gaining insight into what parental gatekeeping involves, you can better navigate the challenges it presents in child custody situations, ultimately fostering a healthier environment for your children.
Parental gatekeeping is where the custodial parent restricts or even blocks access between the non-custodial parent and the child.
It can appear in many forms, ranging from protective, where actions are taken to shield the child from real harm, to restrictive, which may involve limiting contact based on perceived or manufactured threats
Frequently the gatekeeper parent, the custodial parent, will limit or deny access claiming that the child is either in danger by the non-custodial parent, or that the child doesn’t want to be with the parent. This also brings up the topic of Parental Alienation. Since this is a huge topic by itself, while we will touch on it, I will devote another article just on that topic.
Understanding what is gatekeeping is crucial, as it significantly influences the dynamics of co-parenting and the emotional and psychological well-being of the child involved.
In legal and psychological terms, a gatekeeping parent doesn’t just do one action, but a host of them.
There are two types of gatekeeping, positive and negative. “Facilitative gatekeeping” is where one parent actively supports the other’s relationship with the child. This is good and we really won’t talk about it
Then there is “restrictive gatekeeping” which might involve undermining or obstructing this relationship.
“Protective gatekeeping” is a subset where the restrictions are based on legitimate concerns about the child’s safety or well-being, often justified in cases of abuse or neglect.
But, a protective gatekeeper can run afoul of the law, if they take actions without court approval. This is called “self-help” and judges generally do not approve of that. If there is a legitimate concern for the safety of your child go to court and address those concerns with the judge. Do not decided the violate the court visitation order by yourself.
Social and Psychological Contextof Parental Gatekeeping
The impact of gatekeeping can influence the child’s attitude towards the noncustodial parent, potentially leading to parental alienation — a situation where the child aligns with one parent against the other without justifiable reason.
A gatekeeping parent can damage their child psychologically. The effects can be deep, affecting the child’s emotional security and development. Younger children, in particular, are more susceptible to the influence these behaviors due to their developmental stage and inability to articulate their feelings or understand the complexities of adult relationships.
These behaviors are often intensified during stressful transitions such as separation or divorce, where emotions can cloud judgment, leading to actions that might not reflect the best interests of the child.
I often see it as “I hate my spouse, therefore my child hates my spouse as well.” Many times I have seen a custodial parent tell a judge that their child doesn’t want to see the other parent, only for the judge to say, “But, your child is only one year old.” This may sound like a joke, but it isn’t and frequently happens.
During the divorce or custody battle, it’s essential for parents to remain aware of how their actions might be perceived and the potential long-term effects on their children.
Professionals, including psychologists and legal experts, stress the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to gatekeeping.
Encouraging open communication and cooperation between parents can reduce negative impacts and support a healthier adjustment for the child.
In cases where concerns about safety or well-being are genuine, professional intervention might be necessary to ensure that gatekeeping actions are justifiable and in the child’s best interests. Consult with your lawyer first, before restricting access. When you restrict access without court approval you may appear to the problem and not the other parent.
Parental gatekeeping shows up in a variety of actions and attitudes that influence the child’s relationship with the non-custodial parent.
In understanding how this works, it is crucial to recognize the behavioral patterns that emerge in both married and divorced couples, as well as the impact these behaviors have on the non-gatekeeping parent and the children involved.
Behavioral Patterns in Married and Divorced Couples
Research indicates that about 20% of mothers exhibit restrictive gatekeeping behaviors even in intact families, with these actions intensifying post-separation or divorce.
This often results from one parent perceiving themselves as the primary caregiver, thus feeling justified in limiting the other’s involvement due to concerns over their parenting abilities or out of spite post-divorce.
I have often seen mothers try to assert greater rights to the children, only to be admonished by the judge. “But, I’m the mother,” will generally get a judge to say “And he’s the father.”
Fathers, on the other hand, might face challenges in adapting to solo parenting, which can be perceived by mothers as incompetence, further fueling restrictive behaviors. These dynamics can lead to a vicious cycle of conflict and alienation, affecting the overall family structure.
Many fathers also accept the false idea that the mother has superior rights and will bow to her wishes and desires, rather than standing up to her.
Impact on Non-Gatekeeping Parents and Children
The non-gatekeeping parent often experiences significant emotional and psychological distress due to restricted access and involvement with their child.
This situation is heightened when the gatekeeping is baseless and intended to alienate the parent from the child.
Children, in turn, are at risk of developing emotional and psychological issues due to the lack of balanced parental involvement and exposure to conflict.
Studies have shown that children benefit from the social capital provided by having active relationships with both parents, which includes emotional support and guidance from extended family and community members as well.
In cases where the gatekeeping is justified, and, when restrictions are imposed without valid reasons, it not only harms the child’s relationship with one parent but can also contribute to long-term adjustment problems. Thus, distinguishing between protective and alienating gatekeeping is essential for safeguarding the child’s well-being and ensuring their healthy development in the face of parental separation or divorce.
Again, if you believe that restriction is necessary, talk to a lawyer first, before taking restrictive measures.
Legal and Psychological Perspectives
Legal Cases and Judgments
In the realm of family law, parental gatekeeping often intertwines with legal judgments, particularly in cases involving custody disputes.
For example, the Appellate Division, First Department of the Supreme Court of New York State, overturned a decision where custody was initially awarded to a father, despite allegations of alienating behaviors by the mother.
The court emphasized that child custody decisions must be tailored to the specific circumstances of each case, rejecting a blanket rule that custody should automatically change hands when one parent influences the child against the other.
This case highlights the nuanced approach needed in legal settings to address the complexities of parental gatekeeping and alienation.
However, it also underscores that a gatekeeper parent can lose custody.
Mental Health Perspectives and Debates
This next section is a bit more detailed on the psychological dimensions. (Click here for a deeper dive.) It comes from the reported testimony of Dr. Rodrigo Pizzaro. He is an outstanding Psychiatrist who is often used by the courts to conduct forensic examinations. He’s been appointed in several of my cases, and he is one of the most brilliant psychiatrists I’ve dealt with.
The concept of parental alienation remains contentious within mental health circles. Researchers like Fidler and Bala (2020) argue that the term ‘parental alienation’ is problematic due to its vague definition and the lack of reliable assessment tools.
They suggest alternative terms such as “parent-child contact problems” (PCCPs) and “resist-refuse dynamics” to describe situations where children resist contact with a parent.
These terms acknowledge that children’s reluctance can stem from multiple factors, including poor parenting or conflict between parents, rather than solely the influence of one parent.
Moreover, mental health professionals emphasize the importance of considering a multifactorial model when evaluating cases of alleged parental alienation.
This model accounts for various elements such as the child’s relationship with both parents, the parents’ communication styles, and any history of conflict or abuse. Understanding these factors is crucial for developing interventions that aim to preserve the child’s welfare and maintain healthy relationships with both parents when possible.
Addressing and Mitigating Gatekeeping
Strategies for Parents and Legal Practitioners
Understand the Legal Framework: Consult with a Family Law attorney. Don’t trust the internet (yes, even this article), forums, Reddit, Youtube, etc. Only a lawyer is ethically obligated to provide you with accurate information.
Document and Report Violations: Maintain accurate records of any violations of court orders related to custody and visitation. This documentation can be crucial in legal proceedings, especially when dealing with a gatekeeper who disregards court mandates. I always recommend keeping a diary or calendar of events and issues.
Seek Professional Legal Advice: Engage with family law attorneys who emphasize integrity and honesty. These professionals can guide you through the process of addressing gatekeeping issues without resorting to retaliatory tactics that could jeopardize your case.
Promote Positive Co-parenting: Encourage open communication and cooperation between parents. This can help mitigate the effects of restrictive gatekeeping and support a healthier adjustment for the child involved.
Prepare for Court Interventions: Be ready to take your case to a hearing or trial if necessary. Sometimes, judicial intervention is required to address severe cases of gatekeeping where informal resolutions are ineffective.
Role of Mental Health Professionals
Conduct Thorough Assessments: Forensic Psychiatrists/Psychologists should distinguish between restrictive gatekeeping and protective actions. It’s vital to assess the motivations behind gatekeeping behaviors and their impact on the child.
Offer Counseling and Mediation: Mental health professionals can provide counseling services to help parents understand the importance of a balanced relationship with their children. Mediation can also be an effective tool in resolving conflicts and improving co-parenting dynamics.
Implement Parenting Coordination Programs: These programs are designed to manage high-conflict divorce situations. They help regulate parental conflict and reduce the instances of restrictive gatekeeping, facilitating better outcomes for children.
Educate and Train: Provide training for parents on the effects of gatekeeping on children’s psychological well-being. Education can empower parents to make informed decisions that prioritize the health and happiness of their children.
By addressing parental gatekeeping through legal and psychological interventions, you can help ensure that children maintain healthy relationships with both parents, which is essential for their development and well-being.
Conclusion
Through this examination of parental gatekeeping within the context of child custody, it’s evident that the well-being of children hinges on the ability of parents to navigate their roles effectively, whether together or apart.
Addressing and mitigating the impacts of gatekeeping requires a multifaceted approach encompassing understanding legal frameworks, seeking professional advice, and fostering positive co-parenting dynamics.
The insights shared here aim not only to shed light on the complexities surrounding restrictive and protective gatekeeping behaviors but also to emphasize the critical importance of maintaining the child’s best interests at the forefront of any custody decision.
Given the nuanced nature of parental gatekeeping and its potential long-term implications on family dynamics and children’s well-being, seeking professional guidance becomes paramount.
Therefore, those navigating these challenging waters are encouraged to call Port and Sava for a free 15-minute telephone consultation, (516) 352-2999 ensuring that any step taken is in the right direction toward fostering healthier family relationships. Such proactive measures can make a significant difference in resolving conflicts and creating an environment where children can thrive, unaffected by the adverse effects of parental gatekeeping
Frequently Asked Questions: Parental Gatekeeping in New York Custody Cases
1. What is parental gatekeeping?
Parental gatekeeping refers to how one parent controls, facilitates, or restricts the child’s relationship with the other parent. It can either be positive (protecting the child) or negative (unfairly limiting access).
2. How does parental gatekeeping affect custody cases?
Gatekeeping behavior is a major factor in New York custody decisions. Courts favor parents who support and encourage the child’s relationship with the other parent, unless there are legitimate safety concerns.
3. What is the difference between positive and negative gatekeeping?
Positive gatekeeping protects the child from real harm, such as shielding them from abuse or dangerous behavior.
Negative gatekeeping occurs when a parent unfairly limits or damages the child’s relationship with the other parent without good reason.
4. Can negative gatekeeping cause me to lose custody?
Yes. If the court finds that a parent is unreasonably interfering with the other parent’s relationship with the child, it may award custody to the more cooperative parent.
5. What are some examples of negative gatekeeping?
Examples include:
Refusing to allow phone calls or visits without cause
Bad-mouthing the other parent to the child
Undermining the other parent’s authority
Falsely accusing the other parent of misconduct
6. How can I show that my gatekeeping was necessary and protective?
You must present credible evidence—such as police reports, medical records, witness statements, or expert testimony—that the other parent poses a legitimate risk to the child’s well-being.
7. What should I do if I’m being falsely accused of gatekeeping?
Document all your efforts to support the child’s relationship with the other parent. Save communications, follow court orders exactly, and maintain a respectful attitude toward co-parenting.
8. Does the child’s preference matter if gatekeeping is involved?
Yes, particularly if the child is older and can explain their reasons. However, the court looks carefully at whether the child’s preferences have been influenced or manipulated by one parent’s negative behavior.
Divorce and the Innocent Spouse Defense: What You Need to Know About Taxes
Innocent Spouse Relief provides a way for a spouse to avoid paying additional taxes if they can prove they didn’t know, and had no reason to know, about errors on a joint tax return. Separation of Liability Relief allocates tax liabilities between spouses who are no longer married, legally separated, or not living together. Equitable Relief offers assistance to taxpayers who don’t qualify for the other reliefs but would face unfair liability for understated or unpaid taxes. This defense can help those who find themselves unfairly burdened by their ex-spouse’s tax liabilities. In this article, we’ll break down the basics of the innocent spouse defense and how it relates to divorce, offering clear explanations and practical advice.
What Is the Innocent Spouse Defense?
The innocent spouse defense is a provision under U.S. tax law that allows one spouse to be relieved of responsibility for paying tax, interest, and penalties if their partner improperly reported items or omitted items on their joint tax return. This remedy is particularly important for divorced or separated individuals who might find themselves pursued by the IRS for their ex-spouse’s tax issues.
The innocent spouse defense is outlined in Section 6015 of the Internal Revenue Code. There are three types available under this section:
Innocent Spouse Relief: This relieves a spouse from additional tax owed if they can prove they did not know, and had no reason to know, that there was an understatement of tax when they signed the joint return.
Separation of Liability Relief: This applies to taxpayers who are no longer married, are legally separated, or not living together. It allocates the understated tax (plus interest and penalties) between the spouses.
Equitable Relief: When neither innocent spouse relief nor separation of liability relief applies, a taxpayer may still qualify for help if it would be unfair to hold them liable for the understated or unpaid tax.
Why Is This Important in Divorce?
Divorce can drastically alter one’s financial landscape. When couples file joint tax returns, both partners are generally liable for the tax due, even if they later divorce. This means that if your spouse engaged in fraudulent or negligent tax activities without your knowledge, you could still be held responsible.
The innocent spouse defense can protect you from being unfairly penalized for your ex-spouse’s actions. It’s especially pertinent in situations where one spouse was in control of the finances and the other was unaware of the tax discrepancies.
Also, what people don’t realize is that tax returns must be produced in a divorce. If a Judge is aware of a crime they must report it. This includes tax fraud.
Overview of Innocent Spouse Rules and Requirements
The IRS provides specific criteria for determining whether you qualify for this defense. Here’s a detailed overview:
Joint Tax Return Filing: You must have filed a joint tax return with your spouse. Joint filing is necessary because it creates joint and several liability, meaning both spouses are individually responsible for the entire tax debt.
Erroneous Items: The understatement of tax must be due to erroneous items of the other spouse. Erroneous items include unreported income or incorrect deductions, credits, or property basis claims.
Lack of Knowledge: You must prove that at the time you signed the joint return, you did not know, and had no reason to know, about the understatement of tax. The IRS considers several factors to determine whether you had reason to know, such as your involvement in the financial affairs of the marriage and your level of education and business experience.
Inequity: Given all facts and circumstances, it must be unfair to hold you liable for the understatement of tax. The IRS will assess whether you benefited significantly from the erroneous items.
What Is Abuse and What Is Financial Control?
Abuse and financial control can significantly affect your eligibility for this defense The IRS recognizes that these factors can limit a spouse’s ability to question or understand the contents of a joint tax return.
Abuse: This includes physical, emotional, or mental abuse. A spouse who is subject to abuse may be too frightened to question the accuracy of a tax return or confront the other spouse about financial issues.
Financial Control: This occurs when one spouse exerts complete control over the financial resources and decision-making process in the household. This can prevent the other spouse from having access to financial information and understanding their joint tax liabilities.
The IRS considers abuse and financial control. These factors can support a claim that you had no reason to know about the erroneous items on the tax return and that it would be unfair to hold you liable.
Classic Case
Classic innocent spouse relief applies when all four of the following conditions are met:
Joint Return: A joint return was filed for the tax year in question.
Understatement of Tax: There is an understatement of tax due to erroneous items of the other spouse.
No Knowledge: You did not know, and had no reason to know, that there was an understatement of tax.
Inequity: It would be unfair to hold you liable for the understatement of tax.
Steps to Apply
If you believe you qualify follow these steps:
File Form 8857: Submit IRS Form 8857, Request for Innocent Spouse Relief. You can download this form from the IRS website.
Provide Documentation: Include any documentation that supports your claim, such as divorce decrees, affidavits, and financial records.
Respond to IRS Requests: Be prepared to provide additional information if the IRS requests it during their review.
The IRS will notify your ex-spouse of your claim, and they will have an opportunity to respond. This can be a sensitive issue, so it’s essential to be prepared for this step.
Separation of Liability
If you don’t qualify you might still be eligible for equitable relief or separation of liability. For example, it may apply if you did not know and had no reason to know that the tax was understated or unpaid and it would be unfair to hold you responsible.
Separation of liability on the other hand, is available if you’re divorced, legally separated, or living apart for at least 12 months. This allows the tax debt to be allocated between you and your ex-spouse based on your respective involvement in the erroneous items reported on the return.
Practical Tips
Stay Informed: Always stay informed about the financial and tax matters in your marriage. Understanding your joint finances can prevent future issues.
Seek Professional Advice: Consulting with a tax professional or attorney can provide you with guidance tailored to your specific situation.
Act Quickly: If you suspect tax issues, act quickly to seek advice from an accountant or tax lawyer. Timing can be crucial as strict deadlines apply
Conclusion
Navigating the tax implications of divorce can be complicated, but understanding the innocent spouse defense can provide significant protection. By knowing your rights and the steps to take, you can avoid being unfairly burdened by your ex-spouse’s tax liabilities.
As divorce attorneys, while we may help spot the problem, we can’t assist you with the IRS. We will work closely with your accountants. This is critical. Your divorce lawyer and your accountant should be working together to protect your rights. Don’t leave either in the dark, and again, make sure that they are talking.
For more detailed information on this defense look at this IRS webpage. But more importantly, talk to your accountant and divorce lawyer.
Call Port and Sava at (516) 352-2999 for a free 15 Minute Telephone Consultation.
First Responders Face Unique Custody Challenges: ?Parents who are firefighters, police officers, EMTs, and healthcare workers often deal with unpredictable schedules and inherent job risks that can impact custody decisions.??
Courts Must Focus on the Child’s Best Interests: ?A parent’s demanding career alone should not disqualify them from custody; courts weigh the ability to provide a stable and loving environment above work schedules.??
Planning and Flexibility Strengthen Custody Cases: ?First responder parents should present detailed parenting plans that address their schedules, childcare support systems, and commitment to the child’s well-being.??
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First Responder Parents : Police, Firefighters and EMTs
First Responder Parents can get custody and can get a reasonable child custody schedule. The erratic and often unpredictable schedules associated with these roles can make establishing a stable parenting schedule seem daunting.
When I was an ADA in Brooklyn during the Crack Crisis, it seemed that I spent more time at the 75th precinct, or PSA 2 than I did in my own home. When doing a 24 shift or night court it could be days before I saw my family.
So, understanding how to create a custody schedule or a shared custody arrangement for first responder parents, police officers, firefighters and EMTs that accommodates the demanding nature of the first responder duties is crucial for the parents involved and the well-being of their children.
It might not seem like it but ensuring that children maintain a strong, loving relationship with both parents is paramount the judge handling your custody or divorce case. This makes the need for clear, practical guidance on this topic essential.
This article will explore the intricacies of child custody for first responder parents, offering insights into the specific challenges these parents face. We will discuss the different custody options available and what each entails, aiding you in making informed decisions. Moreover, we’ll provide tips for developing a workable parenting schedule that respects both the demands of your profession and the needs of your children. Navigating legal and emotional support networks will also be addressed, offering a comprehensive guide to managing the complexities of shared custody arrangements. By the conclusion, you’ll have gained valuable knowledge to help craft a police, firefighter or EMT custody schedule that balances professional commitments with family life, ensuring the best outcomes for your children.
Challenges in Child Custody for First Responder Parents
Irregular Work Hours
For first responders, the nature of their work means that hours are neither regular nor predictable. This irregularity poses significant challenges in establishing a consistent parenting schedule. Firefighters, police officers, EMTs and other emergency personnel often face rotating days off, night schedules, overtime, last-minute calls or extended emergencies that can disrupt planned time with their children. The unpredictability can make the traditional parenting schedule of alternate weekends nearly impossible to maintain, forcing the lawyer and the parties to be flexible and creative.
Emotional and Physical Demands for First Responder Parents
The demanding nature of work as a first responder, whether it be police, firefighter or EMT, not only affects their availability but also their emotional and physical state. After long hours or particularly distressing calls, the stress and exhaustion can impact their ability to engage fully during parenting time. This can lead to less effective parenting during the time they do have with their children. Moreover, the exposure to traumatic events can lead to mental health issues such as depression and PTSD, which can further complicate their ability to provide a stable and supportive environment for their children.
Impact on Child’s Routine
Children thrive on consistency and routine, which are often compromised when a parent works irregular hours. The fluctuating schedules of first responders can make it challenging to establish a routine that provides the child with a sense of stability and security. While courts recognize the importance of a parent’s role and strive to accommodate their schedules, the primary concern is always the child’s best interests. This often means crafting parenting plans that are flexible yet still provide as much consistency as possible for the child.
By understanding these challenges and working with legal and parenting professionals who are familiar with the unique demands of first responder roles, it is possible to develop a custody and parenting schedule that meets the needs of both the children and their parents.
Joint legal custody allows both parents to share equal legal and physical custody of their child. This arrangement means that both parents have the right to make decisions regarding the child’s upbringing.
Joint physical is where the child lives with them for an equal amount of time. Joint physical custody is far more complicated than most people realize. The other article goes into greater depth.
Tips for Developing a Visitation Schedule For the First Responder Parent
Unless you have a steady day schedule and steady weekends off (I have had some detectives who have swung this) the standard schedule is not going to work.
When you’re juggling the demands of a first responder’s schedule, creating a visitation plan that works for both you and your children is crucial. Here are some strategies tailored to help you maintain a strong connection with your kids despite the irregular hours:
Adapting to Irregular Hours
To accommodate the unpredictable nature of your job, consider a visitation schedule that flexes with your shift patterns. For police, firefighters and EMTs we try to get a schedule that aligns with your work schedule to ensure you maximize your days with your children. Negotiating with your co-parent to adjust handover times based on your work schedule rather than sticking to a standard weekend routine can make a significant difference.
The key is flexibility. The custody agreement should state that the first responder parent will provide their schedule to the other parent when there is any change. This is a key piece.
Next, we need to look at your schedule and see how it aligns with the child’s school schedule. If you work steady days, then you can probably pick up your child after school, and take them to their activities. If the other parent works, and has a traditional schedule, chances are, they are not home until 6, 7 or even 8. The first responder parent could then have the parenting time. And if your RDO is in mid-week, you could also get an over night.
For example, if your RDO is Wednesday, you pick up the kid after school on Tuesday and return them to school on Thursday. For summers, you have the whole Wednesday with your child.
We can be similarly creative for steady nights.
First Responder Parents and Holidays
In the traditional visitation schedule, the parents split the holidays. Most of our first responder parents tend to work holidays. However, in the schedule we do reserve holidays in case the parent can get that day off.
Maintaining Consistent Contact
Even when you can’t be physically present, maintaining consistent contact can help bridge the gap. Utilize technology to your advantage; regular video calls or texts can keep you involved in your children’s daily lives. For instance, if you miss a physical visit due to a last-minute call, arranging a video bedtime story can help maintain that essential connection.
We always put in our custody agreements that a parent has telephone, video and internet access to their children. If your child is old enough to have their own phone, then the contact becomes solely and issue between the first responder parent and the child.
Flexible Plans for Emergencies
Emergencies are an inherent part of a first responder’s life, so having a backup plan is key. Discuss with your co-parent the possibility of flexible days where custody can be swapped if an emergency prevents you from adhering to the regular schedule. This not only ensures your child’s needs are met but also reduces stress for both parents in managing last-minute changes.
By integrating these tips into your parenting plan, you can create a visitation schedule that respects the demands of your profession while fostering a loving, stable environment for your children.
In my experience courts do not like when the custodial parent is rigid and will not accommodate the first responder parent when emergencies arise. In the Family Law practice we understand the First Responders are not always in control of their time. Neither they nor they children should be penalized.
Navigating Legal and Emotional Support
Navigating the complexities of legal and emotional support during child custody cases for police and firefighter parents can be daunting. Here are some essential aspects to consider:
Family Law Basics
Understanding the basics of family law is crucial. For police officers, firefighters, and EMT parents typical custody and parenting time arrangements may not suffice due to their unique schedules. Legal custody involves decision-making rights about the child’s welfare, while residential custody determines where the child lives. Flexibility in these arrangements is often necessary to accommodate the irregular work hours of first responders.
Hiring a Family Attorney
Selecting the right family attorney is vital. Look for lawyers who are experienced in handling cases for law enforcement families, as they are familiar with the challenges posed by irregular work schedules. It’s important to present all facts of your situation to the attorney—both favorable and unfavorable—to receive realistic advice on your case. Free consultations can provide initial guidance without financial commitment.
Because I’m a former ADA and an Army veteran, I have handled hundreds of family law cases for first responders. Whenever I get a first responder parent, my first question is “What’s your schedule.” Your schedule will drive the custodial arrangement.
Accessing Community Support
Community support plays a significant role in managing the emotional aspects of custody disputes. Engaging with support groups and online communities specifically tailored for police and firefighter families can offer valuable resources and emotional support. These platforms allow individuals to share experiences and find solace in the understanding of those in similar situations. Additionally, parenting education programs can provide strategies for effective co-parenting and communication, essential for navigating the complexities of custody arrangements.
By addressing these key areas, you can better manage the legal and emotional challenges of child custody, ensuring the best outcomes for both you and your children.
Conclusion
Bottom line, as a first responder your life is tough enough. We need to make sure that your divorce and parental access schedule doesn’t add to your stress.
For those in need of assistance, reaching out to Port and Sava, a Veteran Owned Law Firm, at (516) 352-2999 for a free 15 minute telephone consultation, offers a starting point towards securing a future that respects both your professional commitments and family ties. In doing so, police and firefighter parents can craft custody arrangements that honor their dedication to serving the community while fostering strong, loving parental relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions: First Responder Parents and Custody in New York
1. Are first responders at a disadvantage in custody cases?
Not necessarily. Courts in New York focus on the child’s best interests, not the parent’s profession. A demanding job alone—such as firefighting, police work, or healthcare—does not automatically disadvantage a parent seeking custody.
2. How do courts view unpredictable work schedules?
Courts want to see that a parent has a solid, realistic plan to meet the child’s needs, even with an irregular schedule. Showing reliable childcare arrangements, flexible co-parenting plans, and family support is critical.
3. Will my dangerous job affect my chances of getting custody?
While the nature of first responder work can involve risk, courts do not assume that a dangerous job alone makes someone an unfit parent. Safety plans, time-off policies, and childcare backup can help address concerns.
4. Can first responders get primary custody?
Yes. Many first responders successfully obtain primary or joint custody by demonstrating that they can provide a safe, stable, and nurturing environment for their child.
5. What can I do to strengthen my custody case as a first responder?
Create a detailed parenting plan addressing your schedule and emergency coverage
Show strong family or childcare support systems
Document your flexibility and commitment to spending quality time with your child
Maintain positive co-parenting communication with the other parent
6. How should I address my job during a custody hearing?
Be honest about the demands of your career, but emphasize your proactive planning, your dedication to your child, and the structures you have in place to ensure your child’s needs are consistently met.
7. What if the other parent claims my job is “too dangerous”?
You should be prepared to counter with evidence showing how you manage risk, such as outlining safety protocols, shift flexibility, and how your professional skills contribute to your child’s security and stability.
8. Does the court consider the child’s relationship with the parent?
Absolutely. Courts prioritize the emotional bond between parent and child when making custody decisions. Strong, consistent involvement in the child’s life matters more than having a “9 to 5” job.
50/50 Custody Is Not Automatic in New York: Courts consider many factors before awarding equal parenting time; the child’s best interests—not parental preference—drive the outcome.
Equal Time Requires High Cooperation: Judges expect parents seeking 50/50 custody to demonstrate strong communication, proximity, and a proven ability to co-parent effectively.
Flexibility and Practicality Are Key: Courts look at work schedules, school routines, and each parent’s involvement to determine if a 50/50 plan is realistic and beneficial for the child.
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Navigating 50/50 Custody: How to Co-Parent When Living in Different States
Co-parenting is challenging enough when both parents live in the same state, but what happens when you are trying to raise your child in a 50/50 custody arrangement while residing in different states? It’s a complex situation that requires careful planning, communication, and a commitment to putting the best interests of your child first. In this article, I will explore the strategies and considerations involved in successfully co-parenting across state lines.
From coordinating visitation schedules to optimizing communication channels, we will delve into practical tips and expert advice to help you navigate this unique co-parenting arrangement. We will discuss the importance of maintaining consistent routines for your child, leveraging technology to stay connected, and the legal aspects you need to be aware of when dealing with inter-state custody matters.
If you find yourself facing the challenge of co-parenting in different states, this article will equip you with the knowledge and tools to maintain a healthy and harmonious co-parenting relationship, ensuring that your child receives the love and support they need, regardless of distance.
Understanding 50/50 custody
Co-parenting in a 50/50 custody arrangement means that both parents share equal parenting time and responsibilities. This type of arrangement is often seen as beneficial for the child, as it allows them to maintain strong relationships with both parents. However, when the parents live in different states, this arrangement can present unique challenges.
Let’s break this down a bit. There are two types of custody: Physical and Legal. Normally, when we talk about 50/50 Custody we are talking about legal custody and not physical. Legal custody is about decision making. Physical custody is about where a child spends most of his or her time.
Generally, parents will get 50/50 custody, but legal custody not physical. When talking about 50/50 physical custody, that is more challenging. The biggest hurdle is school. If the parties live outside of commuting distance, then getting the child to school on time will be challenging if not impossible.
So, we concentrate on school breaks. The out of state non-custodial parent will get more if not all of the school breaks.
Challenges of co-parenting in different states
Let’s dive deeper into the issues.
Co-parenting in different states can be logistically challenging. The distance between the parents can make it difficult to coordinate visitation schedules, attend important events, and have regular face-to-face communication. Additionally, the parents may have different parenting styles and routines, which can make it challenging to maintain consistency for the child.
One of the key challenges of co-parenting in different states is the lack of physical proximity. The child may need to travel long distances to spend time with the non-custodial parent, which can be stressful and tiring, especially for younger children. It is important for both parents to consider the impact of the distance on the child and find ways to minimize any negative effects.
Legal considerations for co-parenting 50/50 Custody across state lines
When co-parenting across state lines, it is important to be aware of the legal considerations involved. The rules are laid down in the state where the custody order was made. Which state has jurisdiction is a bit complex, and involves something called the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Enforcement Act. I have an article addressing it. For those people wanting to take a deeper dive, the Department of Justice has this article.
Because we represent a lot of military people, we have dealt with a number of inter-state 50/50 custody cases. And while they can be challenging, if the parties can work together, the children can thrive.
50/50 Custody: Communication strategies for long-distance co-parenting
Effective communication is essential for successful co-parenting, especially when distance is involved. Here are some strategies to help you maintain open and effective communication with your co-parent:
Utilize technology: Take advantage of technology to stay connected with your co-parent and your child. Video calls, instant messaging, and email can help bridge the distance and allow you to have regular communication. It is important to establish a communication routine that works for both parents and ensures consistent contact with the child.
Establish rules and boundaries: Agree on guidelines for communication, including the frequency and mode of contact. Set boundaries for what topics are appropriate to discuss and how to handle disagreements. By establishing clear rules, you can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
Keep communication child-focused: When communicating with your co-parent, always keep the focus on your child. Avoid discussing personal matters or bringing up past conflicts. Instead, focus on sharing important information about the child’s well-being, school updates, and upcoming events.
Creating a visitation schedule that works for both parents
Creating a visitation schedule that works for both parents is crucial in a long-distance co-parenting arrangement. Here are some tips to help you create a visitation schedule that is fair and practical:
Consider travel time and costs: When creating a visitation schedule, take into account the distance between both parents’ residences. Consider the travel time and costs involved for both parties and find a balance that works for everyone.
Be flexible: Flexibility is key in a long-distance co-parenting arrangement. Both parents may have work commitments, holidays, and other obligations that need to be considered when creating the visitation schedule. Be willing to compromise and make adjustments when necessary.
Plan ahead: Plan visitations well in advance to allow both parents and the child to prepare. This will also help avoid last-minute changes or conflicts. Use a shared calendar or scheduling app to keep track of visitation dates and any changes that may occur.
Have a Set Schedule: A good parental access agreement has a set schedule. These will revolve around the school schedule. Different states have vacations at different times, so when crafting the agreement, start with the school schedule.
Coordinating transportation for visitation exchanges
Coordinating transportation for visitation exchanges is an important aspect of long-distance co-parenting. Here are some considerations to keep in mind:
Shared responsibility: Depending on the circumstances, it may be fair to share the responsibility of transportation costs and arrangements. Discuss this aspect with your co-parent and come to a mutually agreed-upon solution.
Consider alternative transportation options: Explore alternative transportation options, such as train or bus travel, which may be more cost-effective or convenient in certain situations. Consider what works best for both parents and the child.
Ensure safety and comfort: When coordinating transportation, prioritize the safety and comfort of the child. Make sure the child has appropriate car seats or seat belts, and consider the child’s preferences and needs during the journey.
Managing expenses and financial responsibilities in long-distance co-parenting
In a long-distance co-parenting arrangement, managing expenses and financial responsibilities can be challenging. Here are some tips to help you navigate this aspect:
Agree on financial arrangements: Discuss and agree on how expenses related to the child will be shared. This may include costs such as travel expenses, medical expenses, education, and extracurricular activities. Be clear about each parent’s financial responsibilities and ensure that both parties are contributing fairly.
Keep track of expenses: Maintain a record of all expenses related to the child, including receipts and invoices. This will help ensure transparency and make it easier to track shared expenses.
Review and adjust financial arrangements: Regularly review and adjust financial arrangements as needed. As the child grows and their needs change, it may be necessary to revisit and update financial agreements to ensure they remain fair and equitable.
Child Support Offsets: In 50/50 Custody cases involving plane travel, courts often allow the out of state parent to offset child support against the cost of travel. This must be specifically addressed in the custody/child support agreement.
The importance of maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship
Maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship is crucial for the well-being of the child, especially in a long-distance co-parenting arrangement. Here are some reasons why a positive co-parenting relationship is important:
Emotional well-being of the child: A positive co-parenting relationship helps create a stable and supportive environment for the child. When both parents are able to communicate effectively and work together, it reduces stress and anxiety for the child.
Consistency and routine: A positive co-parenting relationship allows for consistent routines and expectations for the child. When both parents are on the same page and can coordinate their efforts, it helps provide stability and structure in the child’s life.
Modeling healthy relationships: By maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship, parents can model healthy relationships and conflict resolution skills for their child. This sets a positive example and helps the child develop healthy interpersonal skills.
Seeking professional support for long-distance co-parenting
Co-parenting in different states can be challenging, and sometimes professional support may be necessary. Here are some professionals who can provide guidance and support:
Family therapist: A family therapist specializing in co-parenting can help parents navigate the challenges of co-parenting across state lines. They can provide strategies for effective communication, conflict resolution, and help parents prioritize the child’s best interests.
Parenting coordinator: In some cases, a parenting coordinator may be appointed by the court to assist with co-parenting issues. They can help facilitate communication, mediate conflicts, and ensure that the custody arrangement is being followed.
Legal professionals: If you encounter legal issues or need assistance with navigating the legal aspects of co-parenting in different states, consult with a family law attorney. They can provide legal advice and help ensure that your rights and the best interests of your child are protected.
Conclusion: Making 50/50 custody work when living in different states
Co-parenting in a 50/50 custody arrangement when living in different states comes with its own set of challenges, but with careful planning, effective communication, and a commitment to the best interests of the child, it is possible to make it work. By understanding the legal considerations, optimizing communication channels, and creating a visitation schedule that works for both parents, you can maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship and ensure that your child receives the love and support they need, regardless of distance.
Remember, co-parenting is a journey, and it requires ongoing effort and cooperation. Stay open to adapting and finding creative solutions that work for your unique situation. With dedication and a focus on your child’s well-being, you can successfully navigate co-parenting in different states.
Call Port and Sava for a free 15 minute telephone consultation (516) 352-2999
Frequently Asked Questions: 50/50 Custody in New York
1. Is 50/50 custody standard in New York?
No. New York law does not presume that 50/50 custody is best. Courts evaluate each case based on what arrangement serves the child’s best interests, not equal parental rights.
2. What does 50/50 custody actually mean?
It generally refers to equal parenting time, where the child spends approximately half their time with each parent. It may or may not include joint legal custody (shared decision-making).
3. What do courts look for in awarding 50/50 custody?
Judges assess:
The parents’ ability to communicate and cooperate
Each parent’s role in daily caregiving
Work schedules and availability
Proximity of homes
The child’s age, needs, and routine
Any history of conflict or abuse
4. Can we agree to 50/50 custody without going to trial?
Yes. If both parents agree and the plan appears to be in the child’s best interest, the court will usually approve it. Negotiated agreements are often more successful and durable than court-imposed ones.
5. Does 50/50 custody eliminate child support?
Not necessarily. If one parent earns significantly more than the other, they may still owe child support, even with equal parenting time, to ensure the child’s needs are met in both homes.
6. What if my co-parent and I live far apart?
Long distances can make 50/50 custody impractical. Courts prefer stable routines for children, especially regarding school, activities, and healthcare. Proximity is a key factor.
7. Can a judge force 50/50 custody if one parent objects?
No. If one parent opposes 50/50, the court must carefully consider the facts. Judges cannot impose equal time just to be fair to the parents—it must benefit the child.
8. Is 50/50 better for the child emotionally?
It depends. Some children thrive with equal time in both homes, while others may need a more structured or primary residence. The child’s temperament, stability, and family dynamics all play a role.
You absolutely cannot remarry during a divorce. Remarrying during a divorce is illegal, it is called “bigamy.” In New York, a Divorce is not final until the Judgment of Divorce is signed and entered in the County Clerk’s Office.
If you go before the judge, at what is known as an inquest, and the Judge grants the divorce, you are not divorced. The Judge will tell you that the divorce is not final until the Judgement has been signed and entered in the Clerk’s Office. Listen to the Judge.
Contemplating Remarrying During A Divorce
Are you caught in the middle of a complicated relationship status? Going through a divorce while contemplating tying the knot again can leave you feeling like you’re navigating a never-ending maze of emotions and legalities. In this article, we’ll explore the intricacies of this delicate situation and shed light on whether it’s legally, emotionally, and practically feasible to move forward with a new marriage in the midst of a divorce. Remarrying during a divorce or shortly after is not to considered lightly.
Personally, I believe that you should wait after the divorce has been issued and you have processed the divorce before you start dating again. You just got off one train wreck, please don’t hop on the next passing train.
Legal matters can be complex and sensitive, so it’s essential to understand the implications and potential repercussions of taking such a step. We’ll delve into the legal requirements, the impact on ongoing divorce proceedings, and the potential consequences of rushing into another commitment prematurely. Furthermore, we’ll discuss how emotions can come into play and provide expert insights to help you make an informed decision during this challenging time.
If you find yourself at this crossroad, join us as we navigate through the intricate maze of love, divorce, and the possibility of a future marriage.
Understanding the Legal Implications of Remarrying During A Divorce
As I stated above, remarrying during a divorce is illegal. It is bigamy.
If you get remarried, the judge may be annoyed with you. It should not effect, however equitable distribution.
It is important to consider the impact on any children involved. Custody arrangements and visitation rights may be affected by entering into a new marriage while your divorce is pending. The court may need to reassess the best interests of the children and make adjustments accordingly. Understanding the potential legal ramifications on your children’s lives is crucial before making any decisions.
Since remarrying during a divorce is illegal, your old spouse will be furious and may seek to stop or terminate access to the children. Generally, the Judge won’t do that, but could and probably would prevent you from bringing the illegal spouse around the children.
I keep emphasizing that remarrying during a divorce is illegal, because I have had client do just that. It creates a lot of headaches and legal complications if the second marriage fails.
Factors to Consider Before Deciding to Remarry During a Divorce
While remarrying during a divorce might seem like an appealing option, there are several crucial factors to consider before making such a decision.
First and foremost, don’t it’s illegal. I will continue to beat this drum throughout this article as I have clients who still do it, despite my telling them that remarrying during a divorce is illegal.
Second, you are going through a very emotional time. It’s essential to assess the emotional readiness of both parties involved. Divorce is a challenging process that often involves significant emotional turmoil. Jumping into a new marriage too soon can hinder the healing process and potentially lead to further complications down the line.
You might not be ready for a new, serious relationship. Remarriage, if not entered into correctly, can result in divorce as well.
Communication is key when navigating through this delicate situation. It’s important to have open and honest conversations with your current partner about your ongoing divorce and your intentions for the future. Discussing expectations, concerns, and any potential legal implications will help both parties fully understand the complexity of the situation and make an informed decision together.
Seeking professional guidance from a therapist or counselor can also be immensely helpful during this time. A qualified professional can provide you with guidance and support as you navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and evaluate whether getting remarried is the right step for you. They can help you process your emotions, identify any unresolved issues from your previous marriage, and ensure that you’re entering a new relationship from a place of emotional stability.
Financial considerations should also be taken into account. Divorce often involves the division of assets and financial obligations.
The Emotional and Psychological Impact of Navigating Love While Going Through a Divorce
Navigating love while going through a divorce can be an emotionally and psychologically challenging experience. Divorce is often accompanied by a range of powerful emotions, including grief, anger, and resentment. These emotions can cloud judgment and make it difficult to fully embrace a new relationship.
I have seen people cling to the new relationship as a life raft during the divorce. This is not healthy for the client, and not fair to the new partner.
It’s important to give yourself time to heal and process the emotions associated with your divorce before considering entering a new marriage. Rushing into a new commitment without addressing unresolved issues from your previous marriage can potentially lead to the repetition of patterns and further heartbreak.
Seeking the support of a therapist or counselor can be invaluable during this time. They can help you navigate the emotional complexities of divorce, explore any underlying issues that may have contributed to the dissolution of your previous marriage, and guide you towards emotional healing and growth. Investing in your emotional well-being will ultimately contribute to healthier and more fulfilling future relationships.
How to Communicate with Your Current Partner About Your Divorce and Future Plans
Open and honest communication is essential when discussing your divorce and future plans with your current partner. It’s important to create a safe space where both parties can express their feelings, concerns, and expectations without judgment or criticism. Here are some tips for effective communication during this challenging time:
Choose the right time: Find a calm and neutral setting where both of you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Avoid discussing sensitive topics when either of you is tired, stressed, or distracted.
Listen actively: Practice active listening by giving your partner your full attention and genuinely trying to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or formulating counter-arguments in your mind while they’re speaking.
Express your feelings: Be open and honest about your emotions and how the divorce has impacted you. Sharing your vulnerabilities can foster a deeper connection and understanding between you and your partner.
Discuss expectations: Talk about your expectations for the future and how they align with your current partner’s desires and intentions. Discussing topics such as marriage, children, and financial matters will help determine if you are on the same page moving forward.
Consider professional guidance: If the conversation becomes challenging or emotions run high, consider enlisting the help of a therapist or counselor. They can provide a neutral perspective and help facilitate productive communication.
Remember, effective communication is a two-way street. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings openly and ensure that you actively listen and validate their perspective. By approaching these conversations with empathy and understanding, you can navigate the complexities of your divorce and future plans together.
Seeking Professional Guidance – Consulting with a Divorce Attorney and Therapist
When contemplating getting married while your divorce is still pending, seeking professional guidance is crucial. Consulting with both a divorce attorney and a therapist can provide you with the necessary legal and emotional support to make informed decisions.
A divorce attorney will help you navigate the legal complexities and ensure that you understand the potential consequences and implications of getting remarried during your divorce. They will guide you through the legal requirements and restrictions in your jurisdiction, protect your rights and interests, and help you make informed decisions that align with your best interests.
A therapist or counselor will provide you with emotional support and guidance as you navigate the challenging process of divorce and evaluate your readiness for a new marriage. They will help you process your emotions, identify any unresolved issues that may impact your future relationships, and ensure that you are making decisions from a place of emotional well-being and stability.
Both professionals play crucial roles in your journey towards a new marriage. While the attorney focuses on the legal aspects, the therapist provides the emotional and psychological support necessary for making sound decisions. By working with both professionals, you can ensure that you have a comprehensive understanding of the legal, emotional, and psychological implications of getting married during your divorce.
Legal Requirements and Restrictions Remarrying During A Divorce.
Here’s the broken record again. Don’t even consider remarrying during a divorce. The resulting married is void. Period. To undo a void marriage involves an annulment action which is a bit more complicated then a divorce.
Also, don’t buy a house with your new intended, until the first divorce is over. I would also strongly advise against buying a house without getting married. See this article. Buying a house with someone who you are not married to is a major minefield.
Understanding and complying with the legal requirements and restrictions in your jurisdiction is essential before considering getting married while your divorce is still pending. By doing so, you can navigate the legal complexities with confidence and minimize potential legal complications.
The Potential Consequences of Remarrying During a Divorce
Getting remarried while your divorce is still pending can have potential consequences that need to be carefully considered. These consequences can vary depending on the jurisdiction and the specific circumstances surrounding your divorce. Here are some potential repercussions to be aware of:
Legal complications: Getting remarried can complicate ongoing divorce proceedings. It may be seen as a factor in determining issues such as the division of assets, alimony, or child custody. Understanding the potential legal implications in your jurisdiction is crucial to avoid unnecessary complications.
Emotional challenges: Rushing into a new marriage while still emotionally healing from a divorce can hinder the healing process and potentially lead to further emotional turmoil. Taking the time to process your emotions and heal from your previous marriage is vital before considering a new commitment.
Financial considerations: Divorce often involves the division of assets and financial obligations. Getting remarried while your divorce is still pending can complicate matters and potentially impact the equitable distribution of assets. Consulting with a financial advisor or attorney will help protect your financial interests and ensure that you’re making sound decisions for your future.
Impact on children: Getting remarried while your divorce is still pending can have implications for child custody arrangements and visitation rights. The court may need to reassess the best interests of the children and make adjustments accordingly. It’s important to consider the potential impact on your children’s lives and consult with an attorney to protect their well-being.
It’s crucial to weigh these potential consequences carefully before making a decision. Taking the time to evaluate your emotional readiness, consult with professionals, and consider the legal and financial implications will help you make an informed choice that aligns with your best interests and future well-being.
Conclusion: Weighing the Pros and Cons of Getting Married During a Divorce and Making Informed Decisions
Don’t even consider remarrying during a divorce. Please, if you remember nothing else from this article, don’t remarry until the divorce is final.
If you have any questions, please Port and Sava at (516) 352-2999 for a free 15 Minute Consultation.
